Consent happens when all people involved in any kind of sexual activity agree to take part by choice. They also need to have the freedom and capacity to make that choice.
If you are affected by anything you read here, you can talk to us.
We all have the right to not want sex or any other kind of sexual activity – for example, kissing, sexual touching or performing a sexual act.
We also all have the right to change our minds at any time. Or to consent to doing one sexual thing with someone but not another.
Without consent, any kind of sexual activity is sexual violence.
Many of the myths surrounding consent and sexual violence can make victims and survivors feel as though they are somehow to blame. It can also make them feel that what happened to them wasn’t ‘real’ sexual violence.
BUT, it doesn’t matter if someone doesn't have visible injuries or if they didn't scream, try to run away or fight. It also doesn't matter what they were wearing or what interaction happened beforehand. Or if they experienced feelings of arousal. Or if they knew the perpetrator.
If a person doesn’t consent to sexual activity of any kind then it is always sexual violence. And 100% of the blame lies with the perpetrator or perpetrators.
With all the myths surrounding sexual violence, however, working out what consent looks like in real life can sometimes feel confusing.
So, let’s break it down a bit…
The Sexual Offences Act 2003 says that someone consents to sexual activity if they:
If someone says ‘no’ to any kind of sexual activity, they are not agreeing to it.
But, if someone doesn't say ‘no’ out loud, that doesn’t automatically mean that they have agreed to it either.
If someone seems unsure, stays quiet, moves away or doesn’t respond, they are not agreeing to sexual activity. In fact, it’s really common for people who have experienced sexual violence to find they are unable to move or speak.
Someone doesn’t have the freedom and capacity to agree to sexual activity by choice if:
If someone's not sure whether you are giving your consent for something sexual, they should check with you. If they can see or suspect you're not 100% comfortable or happy with what's happening between you, they should stop.
Because consent has to involve freedom and capacity to be consent, saying 'yes' is not enough.
Being forced, pressured, bullied, manipulated, tricked or scared takes away our freedom and capacity to make choices in lots of different situations.
For example, if someone is in an abusive relationship, they might say 'yes' to something out of fear for their own wellbeing or the wellbeing of other people – which is a long way away from saying 'yes' because they really wanted to. The fear took away their freedom and capacity to make a real choice.
Most of us would recognise that, if someone stands behind you at a cash machine and asks for your PIN number while holding a knife to your back and you give it to them, you aren’t consenting to being robbed.
Well, it's similar with sex. Although, in this case, the 'knife' could be something entirely different – such as the threat of someone sharing a sexually explicit photo of another person. Or spreading lies about them. Or making them feel worthless.
Here are some examples of what consent does and doesn’t look like in practice.
Consent looks like:
Consent is not like a permit or voucher that we can use up until its expiry date or at any point in the future. The person who really wanted to have sex with us last night might not want to have sex with us this morning and that’s 100% their right.
It also makes no difference if you're married to someone or in a relationship with them. You still need to get their consent. Every. Single Time.
Consent does not look like:
Please know, however, that these are just a few examples of what consent doesn’t look like.
If you didn’t want something to happen then you didn’t give your consent. You also didn’t give your consent if you weren’t capable of deciding whether or not you wanted it – for example, if you were a child or if you were drunk.
And if there was no consent then it was sexual violence.
If you’re in a sexual encounter with someone and they ask you to stop and you don’t stop, you’re committing a sexual offence. It’s as simple as that.
If you think you might have been raped, sexually assaulted or sexually abused, you can talk to us. We will listen to you and believe you, and you can take the conversation at your own pace.
The age of consent in England and Wales is 16. This is the age when young people of any sex, gender or sexual orientation can legally consent to taking part in sexual activity.
This means that sexual activity between two or more people is always unlawful if at least one of the people is under the age of 16.
It doesn't matter if:
However, not everyone who does something unlawful is charged with a crime and taken to court (prosecuted). It is up to prosecutors to decide whether it is in the 'public interest' for this to happen – and, when making this decision, they have to take certain factors into account.
The age of consent exists to protect children and young people – not to turn them into criminals for no good reason or to cause them unnecessary harm.
That's why, when deciding whether or not to prosecute someone who takes part in sexual activity with a person under the age of 16, prosecutors are supposed to consider lots of different factors. These include:
You can find out more about the other factors here.
Under English and Welsh law, children and young people under the age of 13 are seen as being less capable of consenting than those aged 13 and over.
That's why the Sexual Offences Act 2003 lists different offences for cases involving children and young people aged 12 and under – and why it's a factor for prosecutors to consider when they are deciding whether or not to prosecute someone.
Although the age of consent is 16, the law has some extra protections in place for young people aged 16 and 17.
For example, it is illegal to:
Everyone responds differently to sexual violence and abuse – so whatever someone feels is a valid response. But, for lots of people, it can have a long-lasting impact on their feelings and wellbeing.
If you have experienced any form of sexual violence or abuse – whether it was recently or a long time ago – Rape Crisis is here for you. We will listen to you and believe you.
